Johnny is a very disturbed individual. He has some pretty strange adventures, involving going to hell and head-explody. Also something wacky happens at the Taco Smell. You want to get the books so why don't you just get off your lazy butt and do it. Besides, reading enriches your mind.

"You fucking toaster!! You're nothing! That's all you'll ever be! A toaster!! Damn! I have no kiwis!"

"Everybody! Say it and wiggle!! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Look! David Hasselhoff can fly!!"

"Magic jellybeans are growing from my headwound where the flies landed."

"These hands!! I can't get them off my wrists!!"

"Somewhere a woman blows her nose! She stares deep into the tissue, and screams in panty soiling terror! But who gives a shit!!?!"

"My scheme is complete!! Soon all the children of the world will be dipped in fung-lum sweet and sour sauce!! They will be sweet! And sour!! HAH!!"

"I am Testiclês, God of rash covered scrotums!!"

"You have broken my secret elbow!!"

"You have invoked an evil older than man!! Older than crutons!! NOW I FEED!!!"

"Holy pigshit Batman!"

"Spank my ass and call me Debbie!"

"I am wiggling my leg! Witness my leg!"

"Moo! Moo! Moo! I'm voodoo cursing you!"

"You deny me freshmaker?"

"Be free, little pop-tart!"

"Hey, where's your head, mommy?"

"You is my elf ho."

-*- HAPPY NOODLE BOY -*-

"THE DISEASE RIDDEN SEX GROUPIES!!! YEAH!!! WOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!" (when asked what he likes best about drawing NNY)

"Kind of like when you're walking downtown, and a meteorite crashes down on the people, leaving no one alive but you. I don't know what the hell that means, but, think about it: it's pretty fuckin' weird."

"I am the rightful heir to the flaming global throne of evil. I WILL TAKE THIS WORLD AS MINE, so if you people could just cooperate it would be very nice."

"I laugh and make foodstuff fly out of my nose in a display of mockery at the thought"

"Sometimes I take a lot of Tic-Tacs, but that's just because I like having minty breath while I draw."

"But I had forgotten an important thing about the Bad Art Collection. Working on it made me retarted. Brutally retarted."

"Ugh... I'd rather be shitting blood than do this. Oh fuck!! I AM shitting blood!! AAAIIEEE!" (on doing Filler Bunny)

"I'm getting sore in my wrist and so very weak from loss of precious, precious assblood."

"Soon the world shall be mine, and I will rule with a goat by my side."

"DAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!! This computer makes me all frowny with pure nugat filled hatred!!!"

"I eat more than half my bodyweight when I just eat a Tic-Tac"

"Other people only LOOK dead, but are quite alive, as I find out after sticking pens into their eyes."

"I was very sleepy and hallucinating. Rob and Dave looked like giant jelly beans, and I hate jelly beans, so I was screaming all the way into the city."

"This would be the worst time for me to have to fight a hippo. those things are HUGE, and they've got these teeth."

Yay! Now you stop and read the quotes that come from the mouths of Squee, Pepito, Jhonen, and all the other little people in poor sad little Squee's world. Pity that poor child. Oh pity him!

"Nooo... Setting people on fire is wrong. Hee hee. You're silly, Shmee." ~Squee

"This is a squirrel. It's all smashed cuz the crazy neighbor man ran it over. He said it was an accident, but he's still pretty crazy." ~Squee

"Severe bladder damage builds character." ~Squee's parent (I'm thinking father)

"Sponges are scaaary." ~Squee

"But... but daddy!! He's crazy like some kind of crazy thing that's all crazy!!" ~Squee

"You're not sill upset about that little kitten you were taking care of last time I visited you? I had ta' eat him you know." ~Squee's grandpa

"I'm actually creeping myself out with this one." ~Jhonen's sidenote (on A Visit from Grandpa)

"Daddy, I'm afraid of all the dustmites. They're all... all... dusty!!" ~Squee

"We have to make everything lemony fresh!!" ~Squee

Picture on Squee's wall: "rabid squirrel monkey"

"Yaaay! I win! I finally win something!! I wiiiiiiinnn!!!" ~Squee

picture on Squee's wall: "Se7en the animated series"

"I'm facing the wall!! I must have rolled over in my sleep!! My back is exposed!!! I've let down my forcefield!!!" ~Squee

"Walt Dizzy had just released Whitey and his Mindnumbing Song Filled Adventure" ~little ghost girl

picture on Squee's wall: "little burn baby"

"Whoo!! What a day. I'm gonna drink tang until I forget it all." ~Squee

"It's like my life is being done by some awful, awful cartoon guy." ~Squee

"Everything seems like one big stupid, mean, bitter cartoonist's joke!!" ~Squee

"No! Nooo!! I don't wanna eat the toasty souls of the damned!!" ~Squee

"I thought we where having stove top? I want none of thos soul toast." ~Pepito

"Ah, darling there's something I've been meaning to tell you. You see, I am Satan." ~Señor Satan

"Goodnight Shmee. Don't let the bedbugs kill me." ~Squee

"The aliens are coming for me!! They're gonna use my butt for stuff!!" ~Squee

"I do not like the sound of these 'cooties' of which the child speaks." ~alien

"Insolent fool!! How dare you question the textbook!! The textbook never lies! The textbook never lies!!!" ~Squee's teacher

"Stand back amigo!! This is a job for... the Anti Christ!" ~Pepito

"In preperation for this scene Jorgé 'Squashy' Gonzales, the midget who plays Pepito consumed 49 packs of pop rocks." ~Jhonen's sidenote

"Goddammit!! My ass is beeping again!!" ~Squee's dad

"I dreamed I killed you with a bag or ramen noodles." ~Johnny C.

"The thought of staying and getting to eat the free food that, I'm sure comes from the uncontrollable bowel ward, is tempting." ~Johnny C.